Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
