I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
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