Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
