My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
