I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
