I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
