There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
