He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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