Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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