I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
