Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
