i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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