Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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