I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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