I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
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it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
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So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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