My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
