woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
why do cheetos always look like penises
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
