i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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