he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
how drunk are you?
Several
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
