break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
