forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
