At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize