Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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