Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
