absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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