Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
