p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
