Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
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