I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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