My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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