It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
