i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
