I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i want to swaddle you in tequila
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
