I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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