Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
