We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
