Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize