don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
