Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
