you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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