So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
