I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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