evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
