I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
