So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
whose ass print is on the piano?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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