I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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