I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
