Barsexuality is the new black.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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