let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
