3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I booty called her while she was in labor.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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