it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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