Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
