Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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