He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
