My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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