Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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