Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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