I wish I could punch you in the face.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
there is puke in my bra ... again
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
