Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.