to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.