Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
39 Memes Anyone Who Cries When They See Their Bank Account Will Relate To
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her