dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
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I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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