I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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