i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
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