Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
