So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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