You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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