the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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