Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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