Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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