Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
