worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
