The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
