i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
