party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
