you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
