google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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