I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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