Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
